I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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