Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
