nut hugger
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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