I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
