have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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