Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
