I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
