i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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