I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
