you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
