Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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