My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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