Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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