What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
