I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
