And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
