So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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