I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dignity is for republicans.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
