he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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