I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
