this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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