I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
