Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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