Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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