You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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