it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
