capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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