Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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