I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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