Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
