I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
