turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
