oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
