If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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