I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize