hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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