When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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