I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
