my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this beer tastes like vomit already
ugly people sure do ruin things
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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