Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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