Moan for me like Helen Keller
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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