They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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