Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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