I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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