it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
