How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
