is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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