I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my liver is dry heaving
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
