I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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