she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
