are you still at the devil's house?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
