Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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