This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
