i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
