Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
3 2 1 whiskey
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
