Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
