I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
