would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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