Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So much rum. So many feels.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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