Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she told me i tasted like america
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
