I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
