Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
