they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
