party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize