Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
