It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
