i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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