Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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