I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
