considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your cock deserves a montage
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
