I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
