guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
