Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
