giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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