Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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