Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
