i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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