Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
