I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
