I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You just made me feel so damn special
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
