Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
