i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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