that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
